How to Overcome Depressive Mood?
This year is my first year as a graduate. I tried to prepare myself for the situation and how my life would turn to be but I think I wasn't ready enough. I kept myself busy all the time. The fact that I couldn't find an internship or a job in my field of experience as a Chemical Engineer was what made it extra harder. I tried to convince myself the opposite way. From the other hand, the continuous power cuts have taken a toll on me.
At the end of the day, I am still a human being. I will still have my ups and downs like any other person. I hit rock bottom and I realized that it was okay to do so. I am not perfect, in fact, no one is. I thought I was in control and whatever positive energy I had would keep me safe but it didn't work. I felt tired and stressed. I was drowning in my own thoughts. I felt like I was drifting away from myself and all that I knew.
It was so hard to go through a depressive zone. Deep down, I felt a lack of meaning and purpose. I didn't feel like doing anything and I didn't care. Time was slower than usual and I couldn't handle it. I was imprisoned in my own body. My thoughts were racing but I had no energy to do what I needed to do. I wanted to cry but I couldn't shed a tear.
In addition to emotional pain, I felt my body's temperature higher than usual, even though the air conditioner was on. I couldn't fall asleep easily at night. I couldn't feel hungry even if I spent hours without food and when I tried to eat, I had no desire. It affects you inside and out. However, you are maybe wondering how I was able to get out of that zone? It wasn't easy, trust me. It was one of the hardest things I ever went through. I had to be courageous enough to get myself out of it.
I tried to write and read to take myself out of that zone but it didn't work. Since I am a blogger, I write and read a lot so they felt more of a job rather than a treatment. Therefore, they didn’t provide the support I needed or hoped for.
However, I realized that no one could help me but me. One of the things I tried was art therapy. I am not a professional artist but I enjoyed drawing and coloring when I was a kid. All I needed was a white paper, water colors, and a brush. The moment I began to paint, I immediately felt calmer and steadier. I felt active even though I made no effort. I did it almost on a daily basis.
Painting reminds me so much of my childhood. Whenever I think of drawing, painting, or coloring, I find myself getting flashbacks from my childhood. I had a happy childhood, to an extent maybe. I have always enjoyed painting and it has always made me feel good and delighted. It helped me escape from the world into my own world.
This experience changed me to the core. I had an experience of healing so profound I became well and I became a different person. Art became a way to know myself through the experience of my pain.
If you ever find yourself going through a depressive phase and you feel trapped; try to throw yourself into something powerful. Let yourself and your life be completely immersed in it. You will be in full contact with your pain. It can be anything you have always enjoyed and you can get back to it. Eventually, you will gain back self-control. As long as you can feel it, you can heal it.