The Stories & Reflections of Libyan Mothers Around & Beyond Motherhood: An Interview with University Professor, Thuraya Shami (Part II)

A few months ago, I decided to interview different women from Libya and get their opinion on motherhood and parenting after I listened to a podcast that highlighted the topic and it made me curious to find out answers on my own from mothers from my home country. I started this series a few months ago but decided to hold it back due to many things I was going through that kept me from keeping up with it. In the first article, I had an interview with Nina M. Buisier on her journey as a mother and the impact it has on her. At the end of that piece, I gave hints that this upcoming article will be about my mother but decided to postpone it because I still have more details to add and write the story of another amazing woman and mother. 

In this article, I am highlighting a woman whom I am greatly inspired by and I have known her since I was in high school then life disconnected us and we got re-connected two years ago and it was one of the best things that happened to me. I met Mrs. Thuraya Shami when I was only 16 through the Space Camp program as she was one of the mentors and supervisors assigned with the Libyan students' group of 2010. I reached out to her for an interview and she answered my questions openly. 

Thuraya Shami, a mother of three, is a university professor living in the UK. At the beginning of her becoming a mother, after the birth of her older daughter, she was excited but had some sort of a panic attack that happened that this baby will limit her at some point and that was when her daughter, Shahed, was less than a year old. Her definition of motherhood changed through the years and it changes alongside her way of thinking and her definition of motherhood definitely differs from her mother's or sister. 

However, the unconditional love remains but she told me and it stuck with me personally is that ''our children are not our possessions and we cannot own them as older mothers still believe''. I think that I will always remember this line especially if I am to be a mother one day. I asked her about the society and the stagnant image it creates around mothers, she does not know what kind of image is created because it depends on individuals and families but the stereotype picture is that boys must remain connected with their families in terms of the image created and it can be dreams breaker for youth as we can see so many not being able to achieve much as they have to think of their families in many ways from social to economic support. 

I also asked her about limits connected with motherhood as we can see many women being restricted from many things in life because of ''motherhood'' and this made me think if it is really limiting or again, it is an image created by society to actually limit women. Motherhood did not add limits to how Mrs. Thuraya introduces herself, rather she believes it added so much to her as an individual but it can be a limitation for other people. Motherhood is a very beautiful station in any woman's life and women must appreciate this journey and cherish every phase they go through.

When it comes to parenting, it is not an easy job and it requires a lot of courage and knowledge to do it the right way and it is not the same for all parents. You can't find the recipe for good parenting in a book. It is tailored by every parent in order to suit it for their children. For Mrs. Thuraya, she is the tenth child in her family and she thinks that she was raised by her siblings because her parents at that point didn't have the same energy they had when they were raising their first children. It is maybe what created a rebel, repulsive and protective traits in her, and that also made her want a different way of parenting so that her kids do not face the same things she faced growing up and she hopes that she succeeded in making it happen.

For her, parenting is about discipline and challenges, especially that she is away from home in order to keep her kids connected with the country's culture but she considers herself flexible with her children and she does not want them to be an exact copy of herself but the cultures they are exposed to create a challenge for her. The most thing she loves about being a mother is that her children love her dearly and fear for her and that she is the most important thing in their lives and they are considered her friends more than only being her kids, it is important to mention that she is considered a mom for so many people, I myself tend to call her mama Thuraya because she reminds me of my own mom and I feel safe and comfortable around her. I don't think we get to feel this around all mothers and mothers like mama Thuraya are so special.

I would like to thank mama Thuraya for her openness and for making this article a reality. I enjoyed the interview and I hope this helps women see a different aspect of motherhood that sometimes the society tries to hide away from us. 

You can follow her on Instagram: /thuraya_shami/