Dear 15 year-old Me

Age is just a number as they say. Well, it is but with every number, we gain more experience and go through so much. Each number of our age indicates certain events, of course, happy and sad ones. We cried and laughed but most importantly, we felt. With every tear we shed; we discover how vulnerable we can get and with every laugh, we learn how life can be beautiful at times and we appreciate it more. As we grow, we don't value the number itself but the lessons associated with it.   

Here I am, 25 years old of so many tears, laughter, joy, anger, disappointments, etc. I am definitely not the person I was last year and definitely not the person of yesterday. I had this idea years ago and decided to do it in this article. I am sharing a letter to myself when I was 15 years old to reflect on the 10 years long journey and how much I have changed. While writing this, I went through the memory lane of the past 10 years and I tried to remember the person I was when I was 15 and the woman I am today. There is so much to write and express. 

10 years ago, I was in my first year of high school. I was still adjusting with the shift from middle school to high school even though I was still in the same school. I had dreams and visions but I was young, however, I enjoyed being that young, I appreciated that time. I thought I was smart back then but I am afraid I wasn't. I was too emotional and I got carried away with my emotions quickly, I used to get attached to people and it took me so long to get over them. If the 15 years old Malak was reading this, I would tell her that I am wiser now, I have made better decisions and I have truly changed. I am no longer that fragile and emotional girl. In fact, I'm driven by my dreams and hopes. I aim to be the best version of myself even with my flaws. I still make mistakes and they make us feel human. I regret some things I did but I am learning not to make the same mistakes twice.  

I am learning that even those who we love can hurt us but it is making me stronger. I changed from that emotional high school girl to this rational and maybe strong woman. I am still pushing through and doing my best regardless. Do you remember that dream? I am making happen now and I am forever grateful for this opportunity to make it come to a reality. I am now a grad student just as I imagined it when I was 15 and even way before that. I am learning another language, I never thought of learning it when I was 15 or even 20 but when life gives you a lemon, you better make lemonade. 

To be honest, I don't think that I imagined myself to grow and become the woman I am today. The person I am since the Libyan revolution has nothing to do with the person I was before it. I became resilient and I look at life from a different lens now and how I want to live it. I learned so much and gained experiences that I will forever value. I take more risks now and I am not afraid of trying, also, I apologize when I am wrong and I know that I struggled with apologizing when I was 15, well, teenagers never apologize easily!   

I can control my emotions better but when I chose emotions over rationality, I ended up screwing up and that is my flaw. I am working on it though! I still have a long way to go and so much to learn, I am still growing and discovering new things about myself.  I hope that I made you proud and I cannot wait to write a letter to myself after 10 years from now. I think I will make this a tradition.